Unicorn Week – ‘It’s For Medicinal Purposes, Doc’

‘Twas the Century of The Sixteenth, the place – Zurich, having received the wisdom of the ancients about the precious horn of unicorn, Dr. Conrad Gesner writes –

This horn is useful and beneficial against epilepsy, pestilential fever, rabies, proliferation and infection of other animals and vermin, and against worms within the body from which children faint. Ancient physicians used their unicorn remedies against such ailments by making drinking mugs from the horn and letting their patients drink from them. Nowadays such drinking vessels are unobtainable and the horn itself must be administered [ as a powder ] (LOL Hahahaha No No No, It must be administered as a suppository) either alone or mixed with some other drug…. Genuine Unicorn horn is good against all poison; especially, so, some say, the quality coming from the Ocean Isles. Experience proves that anyone having taken poison and becoming distended thereby, recovered good health on immediately taking a little Unicorn horn. (Let’s hope it was powdered)

Why Unicorns you may ask yourself? Well mainly because of the mystique surrounding them, after all they have endured longer than most mythical creatures, long outliving Dragons, Griffins & even Manticores or Chimeras. All these beasts have faded into myth save for a few cultures around the world, yet, Unicorns stay their ground, holding onto the spark of vague reality even in the space age. Of course now many who believe them outright are seen as fools, the belief still exists, which is quite astounding, I come from South Africa, why am I saying come from, I still live here. It is not too uncommon to find cultures of imbuement here. Check out this video of people smoking Vulture Brains. Believe it or not, this is quite tame compared to what some do.

As I said, this is actually quite tame, there are still people who try to acquire rhino horns and in Muti Shops, you can find stuff you would expect to see in a horror store.

So yes, I would not be surprised to find some people who are still chasing unicorns like demented modern day Voldemort’s.

Apart from the unicorns natural beauty, rarity and mystique, a singular trait it was most sought after for were the horns, specifically the horns ability to neutralize poison. We as modern day fools forget how much these perils plagued our ancestors, sometimes on a daily basis, so you can imagine, having a Unicorn horn that supposedly neutralized poison was like having antivenom on a snake expedition. At that time even food poisoning had become a political tool, that aside from the obvious hazards poor domestic hygiene posed. Dying at the dinner table was all to frequent.

Besides being famous for preventing all of the aforementioned symptoms, it was rumored that even a fragment touching your food would prolong life, libido and general wellbeing. I am starting to think some modern day multivitamins may have unicorn horn in them?

In the 17th Century finding a powdered unicorn horn in your local apothecary would have cost an arm and a leg, often valued well over it’s weight in gold, much like Ivory, then the unthinkable happened.

All the nobles found out they were being sold Narwhal tusks recently harvested off the coast of Greenland. Which leads us onto our next piece.

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