Tips For Surviving A Shark Attack

A few years back, when I went surfing at a beach on the coastline close to the Eastern Cape of South Africa, I found myself in a strange situation we all dread, after catching a few small waves and missing a few people by quite a narrow margin, I headed further out to catch some bigger waves.

After a stupid wipeout I popped my head out of the water to find my family screaming to me from the beach “get out! Get Out!” waving their hands wildly.

It was at this moment that I noticed the crossed white flags, a sign signifying a shark sighting.

I won’t lie, my heart instantly sank. If I wasn’t so petrified, I probably would have shit myself right there. I never even heard the siren because I was paddling so hard. Unfortunately for me, the board I was using was one of those long ass fuckers, much bigger than a regular board, so I fumbled onto it and paddled like all hell out of there. Luckily on the way out I caught a perfectly timed breaker, and rode it to shore where I was greeted by my now relieved family.

Since that incident I have been shark cage diving and while I am still terrified of sharks, I do have a newfound respect for them.

That was my close call, have you ever had any? Let me know in the comments.

So if you, for some reason are ever unfortunate enough to find yourself in this here are some tips for surviving the attack, you know, if it gets that far.

• As much as you can, try not to swim alone.
• I hope this goes without saying but don’t under any circumstances swim with open or bleeding wounds.
• This one I am not so sure of, but I have heard that you shouldn’t wear brightly colored jewelry or highly contrasting colors. Though this could be an urban myth, I will make a note of it and update you guys.
• If dolphins, fish or other sea creatures appear nervous, this is a sign that they are on edge probably because they sense danger. Exit the water immediately.
• If you are attacked by a shark, Fight Back, the shark will only continue attacking if it thinks it has the upper hand.
• Punch or aim for its gills and eyes, these are its weak points, jab at it and if you have any instrument to hand try to jab it with that object. Punch, kick, and fight back.
• If you are in the horrible situation of not being able to reach the eyes or gills, aim for the nose, though this is less sensitive. If possible aim for the eyes and gills.

I will post a follow up article or two regarding the actual veracity of these attack protocols. Wouldn’t want to give you bad advice.

Necromancer owt.