Waddup Fam, Long Time eh?

Fear not squad, your boi has not been idle, in fact, all my writing has inspired me to write at what I suppose, one could call “a higher level”. By my terrible standards at least, which means the bar is set quite low.

I originally wrote this when I was 18 and it was actually intended for my girlfriend at the time, I wanted to illustrate to her how a ….. well I don’t want to spoil the story, point is it didn’t work, quite the opposite actually, I still thought it was alright. Not good, but mildly readable.

Oh I have been posting vids to the youtoobs, gonna link that soon.

Without further delay, here is story time.


A Short Story

She walked into the church, the lighting of this particular evening lent itself well to the opulent designs and sculptures, though she had been to many churches in her short time on earth, she had developed a fondness for this one.

“Hello Princess”

A voice that sounded like cross between and old and new world accent said from behind her. She could never pinpoint his accent, she described it to him as a sort of old timey accent, almost like he was from a different time. Though he was very much a product of his time.

“Nick, I expected you sooner”

“How does it go? something about casually late or …?” He said.

“I can’t remember either”

“Jane, good to see you”

She turned to see her mothers best friend standing behind her, she was a fairly stout woman, lets say well fed, healthy if you will, in a purple dress with frills along the shoulder. She carried a handbag that usually matched her outfit, todays chosen style was a tacky looking dark purple bag with a flower on the front.

“Mrs Hackett, I love your dress”

She really didn’t.

“I had heard your parents got divorced my dear, I am terribly sorry, how is your mom doing?” she asked.

“She is holding up, thank you…. don’t be sorry, I miss my dad but he wasn’t exactly the best father”

Jane said, feeling slightly apprehensive as she did.

“now dear, although we have some fights with our parents, the lord teaches that we should respect them, even if we think they are wrong.”

Hackett was quite devout, one may even say zealous, when it came to religiosity. It truly was a way of life to her. Sometimes, Nick thought, if there were an alternate version of Amish reservations for Christians who liked Wifi, Hackett would be the Mayor.

“thank you Mrs Hackett, I met your son the other day, doing the lords work and spreading his word on the street corners of this fair town of ours”

Nick allowed the slight tone sarcasm to slip through.

“Though he would seem to have differing opinions on re-marriage in your case” Nick added

“What’s that dear?”

“I said the newest episode of Days Of Our Lives has a cool car chase”

“Does it? I can’t say im familiar sweetheart”

By this time most, if not all of the church had emptied and they were left standing next to the now empty pews. Observing the nature of the conversation to be moving steadily nowhere, Nick made a motion of leaving and Jane followed suit. As they walked out and down the church stairs, a cool wind was the order of the night it seems, Nick always took joy in seeing Janes face adorned with a cute smile as she felt the cool breeze. It helped him forget his anger toward the church, not that he hated the idea, the institution or the building, because it was a beautiful building, make no mistake.

What drew his ire were the nature of the followers of religion, most people speak of loving god and not being too religious in the traditional sense. Others of loving good with no need for religious textbooks. Then there are those that understand that without the other, one cannot exist. Without god, there is no religion. Only practices, which we have come to know as culture/traditions. Without religion there is no god.

Nick counted himself among a very small minority of people who divorced themselves from all the ideas and have taken up a more joyful view in an academic sense of religion free from the books, people and dogma that govern it.

To Nick, understanding why god exists is far more important than getting carried away with denominations and such. A train of thought that was quickly interrupted by Janes’ cellphone. It did not sound good.


She grew up with an almost entirely different religion to the one she currently attached to herself, one may even wonder how the change occurred given that most people who convert religions often appear to do so not because of some sort of heightened understanding as they would have you believe but rather from a desire to not be as constricted to the same rules they previously were beholden to. Indeed it is very rare if almost unheard of for a person to actively choose to follow a different religion AND adopt all the customs of said religion. Very often the person in question will adopt the religion but only so far as it affects their lives.

In other words, you will very rarely find converts to Christianity willingly adopt the most strict tenets of the religion, you will however find a hindu, or a muslim who in order to drink and gamble and not feel bad about it, suddenly calling themselves Christians. The true nature of the religion that has become somewhat lost by the sheer amount of denominations in existence essentially nullify any conversion that has taken place. So watered down are these denominations that very often they bare only a small resemblance to the original religion, often only in name. Such is the danger of conversion. More importantly conversion of the uninformed.

Such was Janes’ conversion. There is very little doubt that was left in this given her families new desire toward sexual proclivity, one may even assume that to be the reason for conversion. It should be stated, not that I want to state it mind you, but given the current climate we inhabit, it appears we need to constantly explain ourselves and nearly every action we take so as not to mislead the drooling masses into falsehood that they will blame on you, that it is not the religion that is at fault, but the people. Religious people have always been the biggest hurdle facing religions plans of world peace. The religious are their own worst enemy. Interpretation in the future age, should become something of a lewd action, by all means we should all be able to derive our own meaning from art after all our experiences are much different, but interpretation especially the kind which lures others should be avoided completely.

Janes conversion it would seem was just for vanity sake, not that she did not believe, quite the opposite, like most converts, she rarely shut up about her religion. Much like a newly sober person cannot stop talking about how bad substance abuse is, the recently converted also cannot shut their traps about how great, funny, wild and clever their new religion is. More importantly how ridiculous you are for following your old religion.

“why have you converted Jane?”

“well I don’t really see it as conversion, more a path leading to a lifelong realization”

Will be the reply you are most likely to encounter.

Despite the conversion being for vanity sake much the same way MJ turned himself into a white guy, to appease the invisible gods that be, she like most converts did not let on. Indeed her days were filled with bits of scripture she would use to justify otherwise morally reprehensible actions, it really was quite hilarious all things taken into account. Like watching a pig roll around in its own shit. This was all only visible to those with the eyes to see it, most people are easily seduced and beguiled. So to almost everyone else, Jane was a good christian, attending church, reading the bible during bible study and of course participating in those awful youth groups.

To Jane, this new way of life was all but too appealling.

Suffice to say, she embraced it wholeheartedly, as much as a convert could of course.


Nick on the other hand was the type of religious that annoyed both atheists and religious alike, being that he was well versed in both arguments and had made peace with dwelling in the middle. Given his knowledge on religion Nick never deluded himself into believing his own nonsense, he knew more than any, that if push came to shove he would have his head on the proverbial chopping block. Fence sitters are not well remembered or indeed well fated throughout history. This however did not deter him because we live in modern times, he took to studying all forms of religion, even those of a far more unsavory or insidious nature. Although this did not help him in his relationship with Jane a great deal, given that he conversion turned her into a bible bashing Christian pushing their beliefs on anyone unfortunate enough to find themselves on the same street corner.

It would be wholly unnecessary to delve too deeply into Nicks’ religion as he doesn’t really have one, he is simply a scholar of religion, in a very loose sense.


When the phone rang it came with it a sort of gloomy air, one that made both Nick and Jane look down at the thing with a sort of grimace.


“Hello” replied Jane

“this is Mr Smith from payroll speaking, I am just calling to inform you that we have received the notice of your severance pay and will be able to process it within 15 days.”

“severance? what do you mean?” Jane asked, her voice becoming broken as she did

“I am not at your department but we have received information from you section manager detailing your departure from our firm”

“I never wanted to depart, why am I being let go?”

“As I said, I do not have any information regarding the nature of your exit, I only process the pay slips. Would 15 days be enough time for you?

“Yes” Jane replied, tears now streaming down her face

Nick meanwhile was witnessing the interaction and quite puzzled he began to console his now crying girlfriend all while wondering if someone has passed away of perhaps met with an accident.

“we should be able to transfer the money directly into your account, I apologize if this news caused you distress, I was not aware that you were not aware of the situation.”

“Its fine, could you keep me updated if their are any problems?”

” I certainly will”

“thank you”

“I do apologize, Jane I believe? I did not intend to be the bearer of this news”

“Its alright, thank you anyway”

Jane slowly raised the phone to her chest and cut the call. Nick was looking down at her, she buried her head into his chest and began sobbing.

“what happened?” Nick asked

“I just lost my job”


“why?!” Nick demanded, now seemingly more distressed than Jane.

“I don’t know, that was payroll informing me that my severance would be ready in 15 working days.”

“That’s ridiculous, what reason did they give you?”

” I didn’t actually get one, that was payroll on the phone, I don’t think he knew why, he just informed me of the payment”

Nicks’ mind was running wild with what could have happened at Janes’ work to make such a rash decision. Jane had always been very smart, she was top of her class in high school and had somehow managed to pull the same off in university, something which set her apart from many of her peers. With all this in mind, surely he thought, this must be a mistake.

It was 11 am when Nick burst into the office, a very fancy looking building that stuck out like a sore thumb, quite literally, on the otherwise flat landscape. He had a clear goal in mind, confront Janes’ boss and demand to know why she was fired, more importantly to get her reinstated. Ashe walked up to the elevator he replayed the events leading up to this in his mind, being somewhat religious, he uttered what could be called a prayer, but really it was him asking for good luck, and walked into the elevator, pushed the button, 8th floor, and headed upwards.

The pop song playing in the elevator distracted him for the briefest of moments as he recalled the fond memories he and Jane shared, all the parties, the friends, hanging out and having fun. As BLINK 182 said, All The Small Things, and they were correct.

The elevator door opened and Nick walked into the lobby and requested to see Janes’ boss.

Jane had meanwhile taken to throwing herself at the feet of the all merciful God in hopes that prayer would be able to salvage her life. Like most religious people Jane also called out to God for every victory and cried out for every failure, now she found herself almost entirely at the mercy of others in order to repair a life which she was proud to call her own. God it seems, had let her down, as with many people she pleaded to him. Asking why this, why that, why me and so on.

There was no answer.

Such is the nature of religion that very often only when faced with true adversity does the devotee appear. Hands outstretched, lips quivering and hoping for a miracle. Even where there are none to be found. Odd isn’t it? How the religious appeal to God when God himself has stated loudly and plainly that that is not the sort of salvation he offers.

Hackett was there, then again she was always there, offering what small comfort she could.

Jane knew however, that it was in vain.

She was, for the first time, alone in this.

It was at this moment that Nick burst in, clutching what appeared to be a slip of paper. He rushed over to jane and sat down beside her.

“I did it” He said

” did what?” Jane asked puzzled

” I got you your job back, apparently it was some sort of error that led to the termination, though it was an intern and not you that was meant to receive the sack.”

“whaaa how did you, you did what?”

” don’t worry Princess, its all going to be ok”

“No it won’t” Jane said

The sudden nature of the supposed tragedy had shifted something in Jane, never before had she been in such a position when all the chips were down and she still lost. She felt lost. Abandoned. How could a God that supposedly looks out for his own have done something like this to her, she had shown nothing but dedication and devotion and still it was not enough. The almost tragedy of losing everything she had ever worked for had thrown Jane into a sort of inner turmoil that she was unable to escape.

One that as much as it pained her to say. Made her question her faith.

Most of us live with these questions, yet very rarely are we ever presented with situations that force us to consider its consequences, or implications. Jane now found herself dangling on that proverbial ledge.

Bonus Chapter

Three months later at a religious retreat jane met her best friend from high school who reminded her of how much she loved Santa Christ and she became a born again christian.

The End

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